I've been going back to old paintings to work on. The results are murky, unclear, messy. When an overall structure emerges I try to make changes to undermine it. But a certain foggy atmosphere together with a somewhat sharp structure at a smaller level of detail remains. Like I don't trust myself to make the large choices. How long can one go without making big choices? Or, is it ok to just accept that one doesn't make big choices oneself, but makes medium size choices and lives with the large scale ramifications? If I keep painting trees, then all I can create are trees. But if I paint decay or rebirth or insipid vines in a pot of gold and glimmering snow? I guess its not so different from a specialization of labor where one just does one's job and leaves the political/overall vision choices to others. But here I leave it to... my unconscious? Random chance?
Yes. Murky.
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