People are funny contraptions.
They carry the influences from so many different sources.
I have tried to graft my mother's use of simple exclamatory statements onto a darker, more unwieldy branch. It works to some extent, serves its purpose and even contains some wisdom. But it leaves gaps behind.
Yes! I will see you soon! That sounds great!!
I haven't yet gone beyond the double exclamation point, which my mom has long left behind for the 5, 10, 20 exclamation points. Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for visiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These lines skate across the surface of my life. I leave them as colorful decorations, stand-ins for something more. A more substantial relationship. They go to the heart of a simpler version of me. They are forgotten. Put in stacks to be understood at a later time. Always later. After I can remake myself in a different mold, these lines will speak directly to me.
From my dad I have story telling. But at a more immediate level, I have his voice, his intonation. Here there is a vein of interaction, a reaching out for the world. In me it is inconsistent, another graft. My readings of politics are abstract, impotent, voyeuristic. And defensive. A preparation for repeats of ideological battles of the past.
2 comments:
Hi Boaz, This is Yue. Haven't read your bolgs for a while, but keep a point of trying. I guess your mother loves you, but doesn't really know how to expand on the subject. So she hides herself in all those exclamatory marks. It can be touching this way. Well, my romantic point of view, could be totally wrong.
The thing is, the more you analyze into these feelings, the more feelings rise in your chest depending on all different versions of analyses your stubbornly-hard-working brain insists on presenting you with. Exactly the same thing, you can result with laughter, tears,anger,shrug-of-shoulder,hopoful, despair,etc. The only truth I can dig out of this is, life lives in its moment. But then, aren't these moments also a trick of your mind?
Thanks so much for the comment, Yue.
Talk to you soon. Its quite a hectic time these days.
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